Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One

[mik3cap]

[Error: unknown template qotd]I have a hard time "believing" in something that rarely works and often leads to misery and heartache. Do I believe in commitment? Yes. Do I believe in special relationships between two people? Absolutely. But it seems to me to be completely naive to not recognize that "cheating" is rampant and causes so much difficulty, and it's quite obvious that the whole concept of cheating goes away when people realize that love is not a scarce commodity, that it's better to share, and that, even when time and energy are limited, that being with more than one person at once can enhance the quality of life for all people involved. Monogamy comes from insecurity and jealousy, and both of those feelings are very negative and self-destructive. If you have a true commitment with a person, even if that person is being shared with other people, you shouldn't feel insecure or jealous. When that person demonstrates his or her commitment to you over and over (the same way it would happen with monogamy) what more evidence do you require - and why would it matter that he or she spends time with another person as long as you get what you need from him or her?

Comments

[mikecap.livejournal.com]

But you can't accurately judge the risks. How do you know that the risks and rewards of monamory aren't generally worse/less than the risks and rewards of polyamory? There's no data supporting that theory.

If anything, I think the only model that can be used is one where we say that every relationship, when considered individually, has the same "chance" of failure due to the usual circumstances. I will grant that there is a possibility of complexity arising from interactions between the people in the multiple relationships, but if we just treat the relationships as separate objects that don't directly affect each other (or all people don't interact with each other - which is a perfectly reasonable scenario) then it seems to me that in fact the chances of a person being in a good relationship at any given time are increased! In other words, you could roll one d6 and try to get a 6... or you could roll 3d6 and try to get a 6. There's a better chance of getting a 6 with more dice, that just seems obvious to me.

[agthorr.livejournal.com]

But you can't accurately judge the risks. How do you know that the risks and rewards of monamory aren't generally worse/less than the risks and rewards of polyamory?

Rarely in life can we accurately and precisely measure the risks and rewards. ;-)

I estimate the risks and rewards as best I can... incorporating the risk that I may be wrong about the precise value of the risks and rewards. *grin*

but if we just treat the relationships as separate objects that don't directly affect each other (or all people don't interact with each other - which is a perfectly reasonable scenario) then it seems to me that in fact the chances of a person being in a good relationship at any given time are increased!

Ah, but there is also a much greater chance that at least one of the relationships will be going up in flames.

[mikecap.livejournal.com]

Every relationship has a one hundred percent chance of failure!

[agthorr.livejournal.com]

I meant that increasing the number of relationships increases the probability that one of the relationships is going up in flames *right now*. If you roll more 6-sided dice at once, you're more likely to roll a 6, but you're also more likely to roll a 1.

[mikecap.livejournal.com]

That's true, but again, if the risks are overall the same per relationship, even if one goes down in flames, you've got the support of two other ones to help you through that.