I can't necessarily argue that your insecurity or jealousy statement is wrong. If my partner was with someone else, I'd feel like I wasn't enough to keep him happy and then feel insecure and jealous. And vice-versa. I do feel that it over-simplifies the issue, though.
I don't think there are many people in this world with enough self esteem not to want/need to feel like they're the most important person in their partner's life, even if you would consider such a high level of self-esteem as ideal. And in such an emotionally self-sufficient world, where's the need for any committment at all? Social partnership would be unnecessary, as would the adjustments and compromises that strengthen long-term partnerships.
I think that partnerships (which many failed romantic relationships are not - thus the prevalence of cheating) are very valuable relationships to the people involved, and that making choices according to what strengthens and preserves the partnership goes beyond insecurity and jealousy - I won't deny those feelings are part of it, but they're not the *only* reason to choose monogamy. In a real partnership, two (or more, in some cases) people whose attitudes and aptitudes mesh well can face the world as a team and accomplish more, and more happily, than they would alone.
Sexual monogamy is just one of the many compromises and adjustments that partners use to keep their relationship healthy and beneficial to both (or all)of them. It seems like a reasonable choice to me!
Is monogamy, sexual or otherwise, right for every human in the world? Of course not. But I think it's a good option for some of us.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2009-05-22 03:46 pm (UTC)I don't think there are many people in this world with enough self esteem not to want/need to feel like they're the most important person in their partner's life, even if you would consider such a high level of self-esteem as ideal. And in such an emotionally self-sufficient world, where's the need for any committment at all? Social partnership would be unnecessary, as would the adjustments and compromises that strengthen long-term partnerships.
I think that partnerships (which many failed romantic relationships are not - thus the prevalence of cheating) are very valuable relationships to the people involved, and that making choices according to what strengthens and preserves the partnership goes beyond insecurity and jealousy - I won't deny those feelings are part of it, but they're not the *only* reason to choose monogamy. In a real partnership, two (or more, in some cases) people whose attitudes and aptitudes mesh well can face the world as a team and accomplish more, and more happily, than they would alone.
Sexual monogamy is just one of the many compromises and adjustments that partners use to keep their relationship healthy and beneficial to both (or all)of them. It seems like a reasonable choice to me!
Is monogamy, sexual or otherwise, right for every human in the world? Of course not. But I think it's a good option for some of us.