On confidence, part II
Sep. 19th, 2002 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mik3capOkay, another situation to run by folks; a fun recalling of today's events.
So yesterday and today I spent time at the Centrum at the New England Business Expo. While walking through the exhibit halls, I heard the strains of "The Shoop Shoop Song" wafting through the air. This is the song that I sing as a duet in the upcoming musical, so I was drawn to its source - which turned out to be a karaoke machine in one of the booths.
Three women were on the stage, one singing and two dancing. They finished, and I walked up to the pair of dancers and remarked that I was singing that song in an upcoming musical - and I had piqued the interest of this blond girl who was about my height with that statement. She and I got to chatting, and I learned that she was there at the expo to see about getting her name out for doing freelance graphic design work (actually tagging along with her mom, the second dancer, who works for the radio station sponsoring the booth). She went on to talk about how she studied graphic design at Assumption but didn't come out with a portfolio or anything like she would have gotten from an art school, so it was tough to find places that would be willing to hire her without such.
She actively kept the conversation going talking about things she did at school, software she worked with and so on - and I have some expertise with graphics software too, so I got to share some knowledge with her and such, all of which she was really interested in. At one point, her mom came by and said: "hey, I'm going to the radio station to do such-and-such, do you want to come?"
Now - you know what this is... it's actually code for: "do you want me to rescue you from this random guy?" And she replied: "no, that's okay, I'm just going to hang out here for a while."
So, I tell the girl that I can work some of my contacts and see about getting her some info and leads; so I say: "why don't you give me your contact info?" And she grabs a card, and writes her name, email, and a phone number on the back. She hands it to me and says: "that's my phone number."
Okay, so again, now - she didn't have to give me her phone number. She wrote the email, that would have been fine for contact info... but she wrote her number, and said to me "this is my number"... I mean, obviously it's a phone number!
Am I reading too much into this, or are these subtle clues that she's kind of interested? I mean honestly, would a woman give out her phone number to a random guy when it wasn't necessary...? Am I on crack for thinking that the mom thing was code?
Of course, the best thing is to just play it cool - and I do indeed have a subtle plan. I will relate details as things continue to unfold... (or not, if the case be that I truly am on cracky-smacks)
So yesterday and today I spent time at the Centrum at the New England Business Expo. While walking through the exhibit halls, I heard the strains of "The Shoop Shoop Song" wafting through the air. This is the song that I sing as a duet in the upcoming musical, so I was drawn to its source - which turned out to be a karaoke machine in one of the booths.
Three women were on the stage, one singing and two dancing. They finished, and I walked up to the pair of dancers and remarked that I was singing that song in an upcoming musical - and I had piqued the interest of this blond girl who was about my height with that statement. She and I got to chatting, and I learned that she was there at the expo to see about getting her name out for doing freelance graphic design work (actually tagging along with her mom, the second dancer, who works for the radio station sponsoring the booth). She went on to talk about how she studied graphic design at Assumption but didn't come out with a portfolio or anything like she would have gotten from an art school, so it was tough to find places that would be willing to hire her without such.
She actively kept the conversation going talking about things she did at school, software she worked with and so on - and I have some expertise with graphics software too, so I got to share some knowledge with her and such, all of which she was really interested in. At one point, her mom came by and said: "hey, I'm going to the radio station to do such-and-such, do you want to come?"
Now - you know what this is... it's actually code for: "do you want me to rescue you from this random guy?" And she replied: "no, that's okay, I'm just going to hang out here for a while."
So, I tell the girl that I can work some of my contacts and see about getting her some info and leads; so I say: "why don't you give me your contact info?" And she grabs a card, and writes her name, email, and a phone number on the back. She hands it to me and says: "that's my phone number."
Okay, so again, now - she didn't have to give me her phone number. She wrote the email, that would have been fine for contact info... but she wrote her number, and said to me "this is my number"... I mean, obviously it's a phone number!
Am I reading too much into this, or are these subtle clues that she's kind of interested? I mean honestly, would a woman give out her phone number to a random guy when it wasn't necessary...? Am I on crack for thinking that the mom thing was code?
Of course, the best thing is to just play it cool - and I do indeed have a subtle plan. I will relate details as things continue to unfold... (or not, if the case be that I truly am on cracky-smacks)
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no subject
on 2002-09-19 10:05 pm (UTC)This is me though, I've always thought women-signals were kinda weird and random. Should probably ask one of them to translate.
no subject
on 2002-09-20 04:16 am (UTC)Of course, it's not quite as cool if she finds your livejournal and discovers your oh-so-devious plan(Noah found mine within twelve hours of the end of the first time I spent with him). *grin* But it sounds good, and good luck.
Cool!
Play it cool, give her a call with some info. See if your conversation easily stretches out for 2 hours. If it does - she is interested.
But if the number is there - don't email, use the number. ;)
Re: Confidence
on 2002-09-20 07:15 am (UTC)But then, actively persuing women in alien to me... I've had very little luck in the past with women who didn't track me down, tranq me, and attach a radio collar and ear tag.
Re: Confidence
on 2002-09-20 12:47 pm (UTC)Ugh. That's called mind games. I HATE mind games.
They seldom end in happy relationships either...
no subject
on 2002-09-20 07:20 am (UTC)She's interested. They're all interested. Remember that and you'll be fine.
Cool being the key word
Sensing the other person's confidence has a lot to do with it - and I don't mean a smug self-important confidence or anything artificial, but the confidence that comes from knowing yourself well and being at peace and happy with your life, open to new experiences rather than grasping after them. I am drawn to someone who seems confident to their very core, and can make me laugh in a way that makes me feel confident about myself too. There is something -enriching- about that type of personality. Being desperate or grasping is more to do with a poverty-struck feeling (not being good enough or capabale enough or having enough thingies) than enrichment. An enriching presence draws people to you. This is why I came up to talk to you at the Philosopher's Circle table at my Freshman orientation - you had an enriching presence that was very generous and inclusive - and it sounds like you gave this woman a similar vibe - that whether or not she's decided if she's attracted to you, your are someone worth knowing, someone who will enhance the brilliance of her life.
And yes, "do you want to come with me?" is chick-code for "do you need an excuse to get away from this person" even if it is a sincere question.
Re: Cool being the key word
on 2002-09-20 08:10 am (UTC)For the record, I've felt the same way about you too since we first met. And I feel pretty much the same way for everyone I get a chance to spend time with. All my friends are family to me.
I'm just going to go be a big goober and get all emotional now... 'scuse me...
call the girl
on 2002-09-20 11:53 am (UTC)no subject
on 2002-09-20 01:09 pm (UTC)That said, however.. she chose to stay and talk with you rather than go with mom, which meant that rather than just handing you her info and bailing (if all she wanted was possible leads), she chose to hang out with you and talk. So that indicates that she was indeed enjoying your company and chose enjoying your company over going off to do something else. This is a Good Sign(tm).
My advice? Don't play mind games. Don't wait X amount of days/hours/minutes. Give the girl a call and chat with her. If she is as friendly and wants to chat with you the second time as she was the first.. then you're on a roll. But I have to agree with what some other people have said. Have confidence in yourself. Go into it with the attitude that "hey I met someone neat, and I'd like to stay in touch, but if they're not interested in me well that's okay cuz they're still groovie and it was a good experience" :)
So while I would not assume too much, I wouldn't assume too little either. Just call and give it a shot. :)
*hugs*